David Beckham comes to American MLS

MADRID (Reuters) - David Beckham will leave Real Madrid at the end of the Spanish season and sign a five-year deal for U.S. side Los Angeles Galaxy worth $1 million a week, the biggest in world sport.

I've fucking had it with LA. This is it. If I'm ever a mad scientist, the first thing i'm going to do is find a way to jettison California. Why do they always have to be spending a million dollars a week to put distasteful people in my face?

This is not Pele coming to teach the heathens the joys of foot-ball. This is a face-depiling, brazillian waxing, eyebrow plucking pretty-boy. Actually, pretty-boy is way too weak a term; we need to invent something else.. hmm.. oh wait; this is the man directly responsible for the word metrosexual coming into existence. Trust me, once The Media puts the price on his head, he will appear in front of your face doing or saying something idiotic a dozen times a day. I saw it happen in the UK, and the only difference here is that he'll have more money behind him and a chance to try again. The psychic damage to me personally is going to be intense.

He is, of course, claiming that he is doing it "for love of the game". He doesn't expect us to believe this, he just had to say it, there's a rule. He could give two shits if soccer catches on a little more with kids in the US; however, addressing it as a project will let him suck on the fame machine whilst playing the hero. He's not the type that sends soccer balls to African kids, he's the type that cruises around in expensive cars and says mean things to bellhops. As far as "love of the game" goes, well, in the UK he has become known as an unsportsmanlike, money grubbing asshole on and off the field. Which is undoubtably part of the reason he is on his way, along with his wife, the uninhabited exoskeleton of Posh Spice of the Spice Girls. Another part of the reason for the move is so that she can act as Tom Cruise's love interest in the upcoming Scientology film The Thetan.

This is all wrong. At least when Mel Gibson decided to use his vast fortunes to push his religious agenda, it got him crucified; all Tom Cruise is going to get is sucked off by this harpy in his trailer.


Irreparable harm, I'm telling you: and all of us common folks will, as usual, only have our pathetic revenge.