the Dexter breakfast

With all of the cultural differences around the world, it's hard to find a constant. Besides breakfast. Productive humans eat stuff in the morning; otherwise you're either starving or a layabout.

Whole countries sit down to the same thing in the morning, creating "theme breakfasts" which are based on the morning eating habits of entire countries. For example; Irish Breakfast, consisting of flea meat and whiskey, English Breakfast, another name for an entire bag of sugar and toast with tea, and French Breakfast, consisting of a cigarette and an espresso.

Anyway, America needs a breakfast that doesn't come from McDonalds, because, well, look at yourself. Furthermore, instead of going the boring route of calling it "American Breakfast", which will ensure it never catches on, let's go the traditional American route instead, and base this long-lasting institution on a passing and frivolous trend: the popularity of Showtime drama "Dexter".

Helpfully, the show begins with what I believe is the perfect morning routine. Dietarially healthy and aesthetically appealing, this is the new American breakfast. The Dexter Breakfast.

It goes like this: a fried egg and porkchop, sided with fresh coffee and pomegranite juice (for antioxidants). Simple and delicious; the flavors compliment each other perfectly. But your eyes will not light up as you consider this. No, America, we will all prepare and eat this breakfast with total detachment, considering in passing the unsettling similarities between pomegranite or pig flesh and human flesh- but these unsettling similarities will not unsettle us. We will all prepare and eat this breakfast with the cold, dead eyes of a killer.